How to Prepare for the Ducks

Ducks are crafty little creatures that appear from thin air in the night hours. They travel in swarms, landing on UMW campus without giving any of the poor, exhausted students a chance to prepare. This is why our crack team of Rubber Duck experts are here to try and explain the behavior of these creatures.

When do Ducks like to Attack?

Rubber Ducks are cruel and evil creatures who delight in the pain of those in college. They tend to like to come out to observe all the suffering that these students are forced to endure. Therefore we predict that Finals’ Week is prime time for these critters to start emerging.

What should I do if I see a Rubber Duck?

If you spot one of these wild Rubber Ducks when you are dying from Finals here are a couple of things we suggest.

Report

The first step should be to report the sighting to the Duck Sightings Board. You can include a location or a picture.

Detain

Now that the Rubber Duck has been reported you have a civic duty as a citizen of UMW to detain the duck. You wouldn’t want some unexpecting victim to be devoured by a duck would you? No, you are better than that (at least I hope you are). So please be careful as you wrap your fingers around the duck and take it back your room.

Ummm…

So you have a duck now… How do you care for it? Well, it’s simple enough. You need to shower your duck with love and affection!